I came across a meme stating this today. It is not the first time I had seen this image, or variations of it. This time the image was a skinny girl (who was no more than a size 0) eating a plate of pasta.
The first time I saw the meme, I was obese. I was thinking, "Oh hell yeah! Forget being skinny, I can eat anything and everything I want." I remember the inner dialogue well. I still hear that voice often.
For any former fatty, like myself, it does not taste better. It feels MUCH better to be a healthy weight. I also know that I would not stop at that one bowl of pasta. The one bowl of pasta would turn into cookies and many unhealthy decisions, similar to pop. I have quit drinking pop many times over the years. Eventually, I have one and tell myself that one will not kill me. Then the next day I have another, and the day after that I have another. Suddenly, I am drinking one every day and my brain says, "oh you have had a rough day, you can have another today, it will be ok." Before I know it, I am not drinking water and all of my hydration for the day has been pop. This is how I became fat in the first place. Ok, maybe it was a contributing factor. Pop, eating out, and simple carbs all played their own part.
For someone who has never had a weight problem this type of thinking is ok, unless they develop a weight problem from it. As a former fatty, the second I start thinking this way I will balloon to my previous weight. Simple carbohydrates are a slippery slope for me and I know this. I love sugar, starch, pasta, and bread. BUT I LOVE being healthy MORE. So I will continue to eat my veggies, lean protein, nuts, fruits, and whole grains in moderation.
Back to the meme itself. I wonder who created it. My guess is, it was not that size 0 woman. I would even venture to guess the person who coined that phrase probably is not a healthy weight. I then think I should make a meme saying something like, being skinny is so much better than pasta. Maybe put a picture of a woman who is slightly overweight and wearing work out clothes eating a big head of broccoli. Then every time one of my Facebook friends posts an image saying it is better to eat pasta, I could post my image. Sadly, in our current culture people probably would not embrace it. I would probably be called bad words, be accused of fat shaming or something.
Sunday, June 28, 2015
Saturday, June 27, 2015
I Need New Friends
I posted a few days ago talking about how my friends "hate" me. Ever since that day, I have been contemplating if I even have anything in common with my friends anymore. Instead, they seem to be annoying me more than anything. It is a bad Taylor Swift song, "I eat good food, you eat junk food, I exercise, you watch TV." Ok, so I won't quit my day job and become a song writer.
When I was overweight, we liked to do similar things. We enjoyed going out to dinner and going to movies. Pretty much anything that involved food and entertainment. Now we have nothing. I want to go on hikes and push my body. They are not interested in those things. So I am left wondering if their interests are appealing to me anymore.
I also, do not want to hear the complaining about how they wish they could lose weight, like me, as they eat gas station fried food, a liter bottle of pop, and a king sized butterfinger for dinner. I mean COME ON!?! I also do not want to be tempted to go back to my old ways.
The crummy thing is, hubby and I don't get out much. Especially together. We work opposite shifts. It is great because we do not have to pay child care, but at the same time, we do not have many opportunities to meet like minded people. I remember when I was a kid and it was as easy as going up to a kid at the park and saying, "hey wanna be friends." I wish we could go back to those days.
Here is to hoping we find new friends.
When I was overweight, we liked to do similar things. We enjoyed going out to dinner and going to movies. Pretty much anything that involved food and entertainment. Now we have nothing. I want to go on hikes and push my body. They are not interested in those things. So I am left wondering if their interests are appealing to me anymore.
I also, do not want to hear the complaining about how they wish they could lose weight, like me, as they eat gas station fried food, a liter bottle of pop, and a king sized butterfinger for dinner. I mean COME ON!?! I also do not want to be tempted to go back to my old ways.
The crummy thing is, hubby and I don't get out much. Especially together. We work opposite shifts. It is great because we do not have to pay child care, but at the same time, we do not have many opportunities to meet like minded people. I remember when I was a kid and it was as easy as going up to a kid at the park and saying, "hey wanna be friends." I wish we could go back to those days.
Here is to hoping we find new friends.
Friday, June 26, 2015
A Fat Shaming Story
In my last post, I told you that I would share my fat shaming stories, well I will share one today.
So, I am a nurse. I graduated about a year ago. While in school there was this lady who I am fairly certain has FFGS. She has been a healthy weight since I have known her, but the way her body is shaped, her obsession with working out, and her horrible constant fat shaming makes me think there is more to the story than meets the eye. My nursing class consisted of 36 students, and THREE of us were overweight. Most of our fellow students were great, but this one....
Junior year came and it was time for honors papers. One day in class she blurts out, "I think I want to write my thesis on how INEFFECTIVE fat nurses are." I will just go ahead and let that sink in.
Has it sunk in yet? Maybe just another second?
She went on to ask how can a nurse tell a patient who is obese to eat better, if they are obese and are not healthy themselves. Once she went on to clarify, I could see her argument. It is a case of, "do as I say, not as I do." To put it a different way, you cannot tell someone to quit smoking as you light up and smoke in front of them. In the end, I got her message but her delivery was extremely offending.
Before she clarified herself, the whole classroom became uncomfortable. It was probably from the three of us who were overweight. I was so angry that day. Some of the most skilled and most compassionate nurses I have had were overweight. To say that they were bad nurses because they were overweight...Ohh my blood boiled. Well, that little comment has stuck with me since she said it. From that moment on I doubted my choice in profession because of her comment. I was afraid of patients like her. A nurse should never have to feel that way. Nurses are so important to the safety of patients, they should not have to worry about what people are thinking about their weight.
For anyone wondering, her thesis topic changed and evolved into something great. I saw her recently, and she made a nice comment about my weight loss. We will probably never be BFFs though.
So, I am a nurse. I graduated about a year ago. While in school there was this lady who I am fairly certain has FFGS. She has been a healthy weight since I have known her, but the way her body is shaped, her obsession with working out, and her horrible constant fat shaming makes me think there is more to the story than meets the eye. My nursing class consisted of 36 students, and THREE of us were overweight. Most of our fellow students were great, but this one....
Junior year came and it was time for honors papers. One day in class she blurts out, "I think I want to write my thesis on how INEFFECTIVE fat nurses are." I will just go ahead and let that sink in.
Has it sunk in yet? Maybe just another second?
She went on to ask how can a nurse tell a patient who is obese to eat better, if they are obese and are not healthy themselves. Once she went on to clarify, I could see her argument. It is a case of, "do as I say, not as I do." To put it a different way, you cannot tell someone to quit smoking as you light up and smoke in front of them. In the end, I got her message but her delivery was extremely offending.
Before she clarified herself, the whole classroom became uncomfortable. It was probably from the three of us who were overweight. I was so angry that day. Some of the most skilled and most compassionate nurses I have had were overweight. To say that they were bad nurses because they were overweight...Ohh my blood boiled. Well, that little comment has stuck with me since she said it. From that moment on I doubted my choice in profession because of her comment. I was afraid of patients like her. A nurse should never have to feel that way. Nurses are so important to the safety of patients, they should not have to worry about what people are thinking about their weight.
For anyone wondering, her thesis topic changed and evolved into something great. I saw her recently, and she made a nice comment about my weight loss. We will probably never be BFFs though.
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
My Friends "Hate" Me
I went grocery shopping with my friend the other day. This is nothing new. She goes shopping with me frequently because my husband works on the weekends and I like the company. Every week I get roughly the same items, a cart full of fresh fruits and veggies and some meats. She also has her usual, she gets an iced mocha with extra chocolate syrup. The topic of my new, smaller, work clothes came up. She told me that a mutual friend of ours asked why I was selling a bunch of my old, larger, work clothes and she told her that I needed a smaller size. That is when she stated, "We both 'hate' you for being able to lose weight. You make it look so easy." I looked up at her with a look of shock on my face.
Now this friend, is overweight. She frequently complains about her weight and how all she wants to do is lose it, but when push comes to shove she does not make healthy choices. She continues to drink her calories in Dr. Pepper and fancy coffees and eat fast food instead of healthier options. My gut instinct told me to make a horrible comment about her choices, but I stopped myself.
So, why do people who were formally fat fall so easily into fat shaming? We were there at one time. We know how bad those words can hurt. WHY? My gut tells me it is because we do not want to be that person again. We do not want to be big again. So by putting others down, we are telling ourself that we will not go back down that road. Or maybe, it is because we were told those horrible things so many times we do not even think about it. We are just the sender instead of the receiver. Or hell, maybe it is because we have told ourself those things so many times the words just slip out. I do not know the answer. I have a couple stories about fat shaming that happened to me and I will share those stories at a later date.
For today, I will leave it there. I will say that I will make a conscious effort to not fat shame anyone, but my friends "hate" me. Good information to know.
Now this friend, is overweight. She frequently complains about her weight and how all she wants to do is lose it, but when push comes to shove she does not make healthy choices. She continues to drink her calories in Dr. Pepper and fancy coffees and eat fast food instead of healthier options. My gut instinct told me to make a horrible comment about her choices, but I stopped myself.
So, why do people who were formally fat fall so easily into fat shaming? We were there at one time. We know how bad those words can hurt. WHY? My gut tells me it is because we do not want to be that person again. We do not want to be big again. So by putting others down, we are telling ourself that we will not go back down that road. Or maybe, it is because we were told those horrible things so many times we do not even think about it. We are just the sender instead of the receiver. Or hell, maybe it is because we have told ourself those things so many times the words just slip out. I do not know the answer. I have a couple stories about fat shaming that happened to me and I will share those stories at a later date.
For today, I will leave it there. I will say that I will make a conscious effort to not fat shame anyone, but my friends "hate" me. Good information to know.
Monday, June 22, 2015
Why Would You Eat Something if it Makes You Feel Like Crap?
My cousin said those words to me one week ago when we were talking about diets and food allergies. She recently found out she is allergic to many different foods. She has been avoiding those foods for the last two months, and while we were talking she made the comment that food should not make you feel nauseas, bloated, or icky. When you are done eating you should feel the same, just not hungry.
This conversation has been in the back of my mind for the last week. It makes sense. Why would you eat something knowing you are going to feel crummy after eating it? How many times have we went somewhere and ate something high in fat/calories and we were miserable the rest of the night? (Hello pizza!) Well, today the WHY was reinforced in my mind. Sometimes, obligation is greater than your willpower. Here is where living with FFGS comes in. Today I felt OBLIGATED to eat food that I knew my stomach would not like, and I have been sick all day. Every month at our staff meeting, the company buys us lunch. Today, it was sandwiches from a local pizza joint. You know the kind, pizza crust as bread and all kinds of unhealthy meats. So, I had a small conversation in my head. If I DO NOT eat, everyone is going to be looking at me wondering why I am turning my nose up at this yummy meal that the fat chick in me would have scarfed down without thinking twice. Or, I eat it and be miserable. Well, you can guess what I chose. I looked over my options, made the best choice possible, and ate half a sandwich. Not 5 minutes later I was nauseas and sick to my stomach, and here I am 8 hours later still feeling the gut bomb. I doubt any of my coworkers would have noticed if I skipped over the sandwich and just ate items I had packed from home. So, the ANXIETY of "what will my coworkers think?" is what pushed me into this meal. Next time I will deal with the judgmental stares (if anyone notices) and tell my FFGS anxiety that nobody will notice.
Since I have become obsessed, yes obsessed, with what I am feeding my body, I have become almost hyper-aware of everyones food choices. I do not do it on purpose, but it happens. I know not everyone does this. It is my obsession, and I would venture to guess most ladies who have lost a lot of weight do the same. We spend so much time obsessing about what enters our body, it translates to other people. Like this lady at a wedding I was at a couple days ago, she went back three times and FILLED her plate each time. I was not watching her specifically, but I was watching the people walking away from the buffet line. I noticed a few people go back several times.
While we are on the topic of food, the US is so messed up. Consumers are lead to believe that items are healthy because companies put "LOW-FAT" on the label. Processed foods are so much cheaper than whole foods that families have to make it a priority in their budget to eat well. When we moved to a healthier diet, our grocery budget doubled. Why would a person choose an apple when they can get a frozen meal for the same price? Why does a bottled water cost more when you buy a meal at a huge fast food chain? Why can you get a double cheese burger for $1,49 (or a slice of pizza for $1.99) and a salad costs $4.99? What is wrong with our society? I was reading an article today talking about the introduction of processed foods after WW1. They were introduced as convenience foods and they cost more. Now, they are the cheapest food options. Oh how the times have changed. I wish we could go back to a society where junk food costs more, and healthy foods were cheaper. I would like to think that it would end our obesity epidemic, but I know it would not. Families would either eat less overall, or the increased cost would be detrimental to their budgets. We are so accustomed to convenience items, there is no turning back. Similar to smoking. When cigarettes went over $5.00 a pack I thought most people would quit smoking. WRONG. people still spend the money, no matter the cost. Wow, this ended up being a rather large vent. Sorry about that!
So, now that I have vented about something semi-related, but not really, I end the way I started. Why would YOU eat something if it makes you feel like crap?
-Just Me
This conversation has been in the back of my mind for the last week. It makes sense. Why would you eat something knowing you are going to feel crummy after eating it? How many times have we went somewhere and ate something high in fat/calories and we were miserable the rest of the night? (Hello pizza!) Well, today the WHY was reinforced in my mind. Sometimes, obligation is greater than your willpower. Here is where living with FFGS comes in. Today I felt OBLIGATED to eat food that I knew my stomach would not like, and I have been sick all day. Every month at our staff meeting, the company buys us lunch. Today, it was sandwiches from a local pizza joint. You know the kind, pizza crust as bread and all kinds of unhealthy meats. So, I had a small conversation in my head. If I DO NOT eat, everyone is going to be looking at me wondering why I am turning my nose up at this yummy meal that the fat chick in me would have scarfed down without thinking twice. Or, I eat it and be miserable. Well, you can guess what I chose. I looked over my options, made the best choice possible, and ate half a sandwich. Not 5 minutes later I was nauseas and sick to my stomach, and here I am 8 hours later still feeling the gut bomb. I doubt any of my coworkers would have noticed if I skipped over the sandwich and just ate items I had packed from home. So, the ANXIETY of "what will my coworkers think?" is what pushed me into this meal. Next time I will deal with the judgmental stares (if anyone notices) and tell my FFGS anxiety that nobody will notice.
Since I have become obsessed, yes obsessed, with what I am feeding my body, I have become almost hyper-aware of everyones food choices. I do not do it on purpose, but it happens. I know not everyone does this. It is my obsession, and I would venture to guess most ladies who have lost a lot of weight do the same. We spend so much time obsessing about what enters our body, it translates to other people. Like this lady at a wedding I was at a couple days ago, she went back three times and FILLED her plate each time. I was not watching her specifically, but I was watching the people walking away from the buffet line. I noticed a few people go back several times.
While we are on the topic of food, the US is so messed up. Consumers are lead to believe that items are healthy because companies put "LOW-FAT" on the label. Processed foods are so much cheaper than whole foods that families have to make it a priority in their budget to eat well. When we moved to a healthier diet, our grocery budget doubled. Why would a person choose an apple when they can get a frozen meal for the same price? Why does a bottled water cost more when you buy a meal at a huge fast food chain? Why can you get a double cheese burger for $1,49 (or a slice of pizza for $1.99) and a salad costs $4.99? What is wrong with our society? I was reading an article today talking about the introduction of processed foods after WW1. They were introduced as convenience foods and they cost more. Now, they are the cheapest food options. Oh how the times have changed. I wish we could go back to a society where junk food costs more, and healthy foods were cheaper. I would like to think that it would end our obesity epidemic, but I know it would not. Families would either eat less overall, or the increased cost would be detrimental to their budgets. We are so accustomed to convenience items, there is no turning back. Similar to smoking. When cigarettes went over $5.00 a pack I thought most people would quit smoking. WRONG. people still spend the money, no matter the cost. Wow, this ended up being a rather large vent. Sorry about that!
So, now that I have vented about something semi-related, but not really, I end the way I started. Why would YOU eat something if it makes you feel like crap?
-Just Me
Sunday, June 21, 2015
Why Am I Here?
So, lets start by saying that I am not a writer. Grammar and punctuation are not my strong suit. I am a science and math geek. Now that we have that out of the way, I can continue.
Recently I have lost weight, and I went from obese to a healthy weight. I have seen the scale change and I have had to buy smaller clothes (I will spare you the silly party .gif here). The problem is, when I look in the mirror I still see the fat girl I used to be. I still see the round waist and the double chin. So today, I did a Google search to try and see if there are others who have this problem or if I am just a freak with low self-esteem. That is when I came across the title Former Fat Girl Syndrome. I have seen that I am not alone, and many women go through this who lose weight.
So, what is Former Fat Girl Syndrome? Basically the Google pages I read talk about still being self-conscious about your body, disordered eating habits, being vulnerable to compliments, and fat shaming of others. I could not believe it when I read about FFGS because it was everything I was feeling. So naturally I looked for blogs that talked about it, and I did not find anything. I wanted to read how others have overcome these feelings. What did I find? Nada. It seems like women have the same issues as me, but do not talk about them? So whatever, I am here. Blogging is cheaper than therapy.
Ever since I started my weight loss journey I have been watching every item I put in my mouth. I have opted for healthy choices, instead of convenient options. Fresh instead of fried or frozen. I am sure you get my point. Well today, I realized exactly how DIFFICULT meals with others are. Today is Father's Day and my Mother-In-Law invited us to dinner. So, off we went. Dinner was steak, hot dogs, instant mashed potatoes, corn on the cob, watermelon, dinner rolls, and do not forget the cream pies. FML. I did not want to be rude, but I was looking at my offerings wondering how I was going to get past this meal without showing my cards. I do not eat corn. I do not eat instant ANYTHING. Watermelon is my least favorite fruit. So, steak was the only thing I felt like I could put in my mouth. Fortunately, I have a baby so we just shared a plate tonight. I dished up small amounts of everything and fed the baby the things I refused to eat. This was my first experience with homemade social meals since I have lost weight. When going to a restaurant it is easy. You can order what you want and nobody cares, but it is a whole different ball game when someone makes you a meal in their home. I left the IL's house hungry and had to go eat some veggies to feel full. As a fat chick, I would have eaten all of their offerings and probably had seconds -hating myself the entire time. I am glad I have the willpower to avoid the foods that would make me hate myself, but I am still not happy with myself in other ways.
So there I will end it tonight, a not so short introduction as to why I am here and a glimpse into what my reality looks like.
Recently I have lost weight, and I went from obese to a healthy weight. I have seen the scale change and I have had to buy smaller clothes (I will spare you the silly party .gif here). The problem is, when I look in the mirror I still see the fat girl I used to be. I still see the round waist and the double chin. So today, I did a Google search to try and see if there are others who have this problem or if I am just a freak with low self-esteem. That is when I came across the title Former Fat Girl Syndrome. I have seen that I am not alone, and many women go through this who lose weight.
So, what is Former Fat Girl Syndrome? Basically the Google pages I read talk about still being self-conscious about your body, disordered eating habits, being vulnerable to compliments, and fat shaming of others. I could not believe it when I read about FFGS because it was everything I was feeling. So naturally I looked for blogs that talked about it, and I did not find anything. I wanted to read how others have overcome these feelings. What did I find? Nada. It seems like women have the same issues as me, but do not talk about them? So whatever, I am here. Blogging is cheaper than therapy.
Ever since I started my weight loss journey I have been watching every item I put in my mouth. I have opted for healthy choices, instead of convenient options. Fresh instead of fried or frozen. I am sure you get my point. Well today, I realized exactly how DIFFICULT meals with others are. Today is Father's Day and my Mother-In-Law invited us to dinner. So, off we went. Dinner was steak, hot dogs, instant mashed potatoes, corn on the cob, watermelon, dinner rolls, and do not forget the cream pies. FML. I did not want to be rude, but I was looking at my offerings wondering how I was going to get past this meal without showing my cards. I do not eat corn. I do not eat instant ANYTHING. Watermelon is my least favorite fruit. So, steak was the only thing I felt like I could put in my mouth. Fortunately, I have a baby so we just shared a plate tonight. I dished up small amounts of everything and fed the baby the things I refused to eat. This was my first experience with homemade social meals since I have lost weight. When going to a restaurant it is easy. You can order what you want and nobody cares, but it is a whole different ball game when someone makes you a meal in their home. I left the IL's house hungry and had to go eat some veggies to feel full. As a fat chick, I would have eaten all of their offerings and probably had seconds -hating myself the entire time. I am glad I have the willpower to avoid the foods that would make me hate myself, but I am still not happy with myself in other ways.
So there I will end it tonight, a not so short introduction as to why I am here and a glimpse into what my reality looks like.
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