Why Am I Here?

So, lets start by saying that I am not a writer. Grammar and punctuation are not my strong suit. I am a science and math geek. Now that we have that out of the way, I can continue.

Recently I have lost weight, and I went from obese to a healthy weight. I have seen the scale change and I have had to buy smaller clothes (I will spare you the silly party .gif here). The problem is, when I look in the mirror I still see the fat girl I used to be.  I still see the round waist and the double chin. So today, I did a Google search to try and see if there are others who have this problem or if I am just a freak with low self-esteem. That is when I came across the title Former Fat Girl Syndrome.  I have seen that I am not alone, and many women go through this who lose weight.

So, what is Former Fat Girl Syndrome? Basically the Google pages I read talk about still being self-conscious about your body, disordered eating habits, being vulnerable to compliments, and fat shaming of others. I could not believe it when I read about FFGS because it was everything I was feeling. So naturally I looked for blogs that talked about it, and I did not find anything. I wanted to read how others have overcome these feelings. What did I find? Nada. It seems like women have the same issues as me, but do not talk about them? So whatever, I am here. Blogging is cheaper than therapy.

Ever since I started my weight loss journey I have been watching every item I put in my mouth. I have opted for healthy choices, instead of convenient options. Fresh instead of fried or frozen. I am sure you get my point. Well today, I realized exactly how DIFFICULT meals with others are. Today is Father's Day and my Mother-In-Law invited us to dinner. So, off we went. Dinner was steak, hot dogs, instant mashed potatoes, corn on the cob, watermelon, dinner rolls, and do not forget the cream pies. FML. I did not want to be rude, but I was looking at my offerings wondering how I was going to get past this meal without showing my cards. I do not eat corn. I do not eat instant ANYTHING. Watermelon is my least favorite fruit. So, steak was the only thing I felt like I could put in my mouth. Fortunately, I have a baby so we just shared a plate tonight. I dished up small amounts of everything and fed the baby the things I refused to eat. This was my first experience with homemade social meals since I have lost weight. When going to a restaurant it is easy. You can order what you want and nobody cares, but it is a whole different ball game when someone makes you a meal in their home.  I left the IL's house hungry and had to go eat some veggies to feel full.  As a fat chick, I would have eaten all of their offerings and probably had seconds -hating myself the entire time. I am glad I have the willpower to avoid the foods that would make me hate myself, but I am still not happy with myself in other ways.

So there I will end it tonight, a not so short introduction as to why I am here and a glimpse into what my reality looks like.